Communication is the “key”

Whenever you find that you are feeling something that you haven’t
expressed, communicate these things as soon as and as lovingly as you
can. So often people allow small issues to grow into mountains that
end up coming between them. We suggest that you take care of those
issues when they come up and don’t allow them to grow.

Here are some ideas for you to consider to help you do that:

1. Take a moment to find out what you are feeling and what you want.
Find a way to quiet yourself, even if you have to go to the bathroom
to do it. Breathe deeply and find that voice inside yourself that is
telling you how you are feeling.

2. Ask your partner if you can have a few moments of uninterrupted
time to talk together about an issue. Ask if your partner is willing
to just listen while you talk and tell your partner that you agree to
listen while he/she talks. If you both feel safe to talk without
being interrupted, then you will be able to truly hear one another.

3. Say what you want in a way that it can be heard. Always approach
a conversation with how you are feeling because of the issue. If you
start making your partner wrong and accusing him/her, the only thing
you’ll accomplish is that one or both of you will either withdraw and
shut down or lash out in anger.

4. Listen and honor who your partner is and what he/she wants. You
may not agree with what your partner says but in order to build the
trust that you want to feel free to say what you need, you also have
to listen with an open heart to him/her without getting defensive.

5. Stay open and find ways that work for both of you. We’ve found
that when you begin to understand one another by speaking your truth
and listening to each other, the two of you begin to open the door
for possibilities and much more love. There’s a “softer” feeling
between the two of you and solutions to conflicts seem to come more
easily.

Staying open means not judging the other person and reminding
yourself how you love the other person even if in the moment you are
irritated or disappointed in him/her. Staying open when there’s
conflict is probably the toughest thing you have to learn to do.
Even if you take “baby steps” in doing it, you’ll see how your
relationship can grow.

These ideas have created miracles in our relationship and we hope
they will in yours also.